


Humanity's Heart

by XanderB



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Aot week, Brotp, Character Suicide, Day 5: Allies, Drabble, F/F, Gen, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, No Sex, Sad, Swearing, canonverse, levi pov, mentions of relationships - Freeform, non-graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 15:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11558100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanderB/pseuds/XanderB
Summary: The first time I met you, you were laughing. And after that first time, it was a rare occasion you couldn’t find something to laugh about, no matter the circumstances. You were the one holding all of us up, finding those silver linings in everything, the jokes in even the most dire of situations. I was so busy shaking my head, calling you crazy while I hid my own grins, I didn’t realize there was no one holding you up. The ones who laugh the loudest are the ones in the most pain or so they say. I never was a very good listener.





	Humanity's Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for AoTweek 2017 Day 5: Allies
> 
> Hange and Levi are my brotp and this was written as a sad drabble from Levi's pov. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> This song inspired this piece:  
> [ Desperately Wanting by Better than Ezra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v74yTy1UTuk)

I’m on my way now. I’ve passed by your house. The windows are dark, have been for too long already and the door’s been locked tight. You hated it anyway; you never even spent more than a few hours in it at any one time. You said it didn’t suit you, was too quiet and eerie somehow. You never were comfortable on your own. I should’ve known what you meant. Maybe I did, but I pretended not to. I was never any good at offering comfort.

The first time I met you, you were laughing. And after that first time, it was a rare occasion you couldn’t find something to laugh about, no matter the circumstances. You were the one holding all of us up, finding those silver linings in everything, the jokes in even the most dire of situations. I was so busy shaking my head, calling you crazy while I hid my own grins, I didn’t realize there was no one holding you up. The ones who laugh the loudest are the ones in the most pain or so they say. I never was a very good listener. 

The first time I laughed in years was with you and after then, it wasn’t so hard to smile anymore. I hadn’t since before Isabel and Farlan were killed.You were just so damn persistent. And when we got the kid, it became easier to believe in you. You weren’t crazy though I always said so; you were brilliant. I should have said it more often or maybe even just the once. I was never any good at compliments. 

The first time the brat kissed me and confessed, I came to you. Who else? There was no one I would trust more not to judge me. And of course you didn’t. You laughed. You said something stupid, but somehow it made it all alright again. You encouraged me, pushed me, convinced me it would be worth it. You were right. You convinced me even though you knew it was painful because you knew that pain yourself. And it hurt you, but you smiled and I never got back around to asking. You already know I’m shit at that kind of thing too.

The first time we won, we drank, not in celebration, but in mourning though we found laughter even there. Eyebrows was gone and you took his place. The pressure must have been unbearable, but you just laughed, smiled through your gritted teeth as if you weren’t struggling to stand up straight beneath the weight of it. I should’ve helped you, but I didn’t know how. And I never was very good with that kind of responsibility.

The first time it happened, you said it was an accident, an experiment, just one of many on the long list that had gone awry. You didn’t really lie either; it was a test and after the failure, you knew how to succeed in the future. We’d already lost so much by then; it was obvious, but the excuse was enough for them when they flushed that shit you’d concocted out of you and you laughed it all off like a funny joke. And what a punchline. I always had a shitty sense of humour and you knew that too. You always knew.

You knew I loved Eren before I did, knew how best to ease me into it, to help him… and me. All of us. You always knew what to say, what nonsense to patch us up when we were wearing thin, but who was mending you while you mended all of us? You’d already lost the one that used to. I’ve never made a very good substitute anyways.

You were impatient and impulsive. You had nothing left to lose when I’d finally found something worth keeping. And you only waited until the end when it was done and you knew we could make it without you. You just had to be first. Of course you did.

The last time I saw you, we laughed like we knew freedom and then you went to that house you always hated and you tried again. You didn’t even bother to make another excuse.

I was the one that found you, but you knew I would. You planned it. And you left me the letter because you knew, like always, that I would need the explanation. And likewise, I understood your motivations. They still think it was an accident and I’ll take that truth to my own grave. We’ll keep it between us even after when I’m buried next to you.

I hold him and he cries the tears that I won’t shed, the ones you passed on to him, but he, like me, will smile again tomorrow because you taught him too. I won’t talk while they put you in the earth, but you wouldn’t expect me too. I wait until they’re all gone save for him. He waits for me. Like she no doubt has been waiting for you.

Your stone is pale and rough and somehow it suits you like the forget-me-nots that Eren left for you even though they’re blue and you’d probably have preferred something flashier. It’s just your name on the stone with something I had added. _Humanity’s Heart._ It’s a title you probably never expected, but it’s true. I’m their strength, he’s their hope, and you were their heart. We should have taken better care of you. You got broken and we didn’t know how to fix you.

I lay the two patches, yours and hers beneath the forget-me-nots so you’ll know I haven’t forgotten you.

I never told you.

“You were my best friend Hange Zoe and I’m gonna fucking miss you…”

You’d laugh if you knew.


End file.
